no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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