Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
