I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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