Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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