He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
