why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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