bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
