Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
