i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
