Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize