is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
