Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
