I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
