I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
