ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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