I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
