That's when you crack a 10am beer
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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