Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
