God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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