i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
