Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
