nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
