He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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