the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i dont even know how to be here
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
