M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
