I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
