Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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