Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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