C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
