Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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