This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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