I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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