I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
