He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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