I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
