in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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