youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
