Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
