Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
