pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
