1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
