The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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