you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
