He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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