her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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