Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
