In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i came on her dog
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
