my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
