remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
