Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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