He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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