Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
