Who wears a wallet chain?!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
