Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
