I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
